Pregnancy goes by quicker then you think it would. I am currently 30 weeks pregnant. I have enjoyed every moment of this pregnancy even when I am a hormonal mess. I have been blessed to have my family and friends by my side the whole time. I would like to say I never think of Jeff but that would be a lie after all it’s his child I am carrying. Of course not many know that, it was the only way I could make sure that he didn’t find out.
My parents pulled me out of school in early February and I will return sometime in April. I have a tutor coming in everyday to teach me what my peers are learning in class at school. Its kind of boring being home by myself. I mean my mom is there but it’s not the same as having my friends. Right now I am suppose to be doing a reading assignment for history but I can’t concentrate. I feel all out of sorts and the baby is kicking the daylights out of me as well. I love the feeling of my little one moving in me. My hand immediately goes to my tummy in a protective way when she begins to move around. I am sitting there rubbing circles on my stomach when Lance comes bursting into the room. I can tell he has a strange look on his face and that he has something to tell me. I watch him quietly for a while but then my patience begins running out. “Spit it out already Lance your getting on my nerves.” He hesitates for a moment then blurts, “Jeff is in town and he wants to come over” My mind registers what Lance just said and shock hits me. After the shock I register panic coming on. Jeff is in town? Why is Jeff in town? He is supposed to stay in Chicago and let me get on with my life. I don’t want him seeing me with this huge pregnant belly because that would lead to a very awkward conversation. One that I would have to tell him that I was pregnant with his baby and that I didn’t want him to know about it.
“Lance when is he coming to the house?” I ask my brother. I notice Lance shift in discomfort, “He will be here in like twenty minutes” Panic is rising in me again and I realize I am either going have to hide out in my room or leave the house quickly. I sit there torn not sure what I should do. If I hide in my room chances are that he could still see me. I decide quickly to leave the house. I run to my bedroom texting Amy on my way. I change clothes and wait for Amy to show up she is going to pick me up and take me back to her house until Jeff leaves. Amy doesn’t know of course that I am hiding from Jeff because he is the daddy of my baby she thinks I just don’t want to be around him.
Amy and I get to her house and head to her bedroom. We spend an hour with her catching me up on gossip from school. This turn out to be an excellent distraction. Soon she suggests we watch a movie together and I agree because Lance has been texting me with regular updates and Jeff seem to be in no hurry to leave my house. Apparently the inner circle is all at my house like old times and they have started drinking and playing in the game room.
I realize that Amy is going to have to take me home now that the movie is over so I send Lance a text making sure that I can sneak into my room without being detected. He sends me a message back saying he will make sure that I can get in my room with no problems. Amy keeps insisting I could have stayed at her house longer but I knew she had school in the morning and I needed to be home so my parents don’t freak out. Ever since I announced I was pregnant my parents hover. They watch me like I am going to break at any moment. It has been frustrating to say the least.
I quietly make my way around the house after Amy drops me off and walk up onto my private deck. I open the door as quickly and quietly as I can to get into my room. I breathe a sigh of relief that I have made it this far without anyone hearing me. I can faintly hear the sounds of the guys talking and laughing in the game room. I change into my pajamas for the night and realize I want a snack in the worst way. I am sitting in my room with hunger gnawing at me. Finally I have had enough and I send a text to Lance that I am going to the kitchen and to make sure to keep Jeff away from that area of the house until I am safely back in my room.
I make it to the kitchen and throw a bag of popcorn in the microwave while scooping up a bowl of ice cream with lots of chocolate syrup. My popcorn finishes and sit down on a bar stool and begin tossing popcorn in my mouth following it with a bite of the ice cream. I am playing around on my phone so I don’t notice at first that I am not alone in the kitchen. I gasp in surprise when I look up and see Jeff standing there looking at me. I panic at first then realize that thankfully he can’t see my stomach as we are on opposite sides of the kitchen counter. This causes me to sigh in relief. Slowly I look back towards Jeff “Can I help you?” I am shocked at how cold my voice sounds. I can tell by the look that crosses his face that he too his shocked. The room remains silent while he continues to stare at me and I find myself becoming irritated by his presence. Finally he speaks “How are you?” Really he wants to go there with me I think to myself. Does he really think I am going to have a normal conversation with him after he not once but twice walked out on me? I am just about to lash out at him when Lance and Steve come rushing into the kitchen. They stop short when they see the look of anger on my face and then look back at Jeff. Finally Lance speaks up “Dude I thought you got lost in the bathroom” Jeff turns to look at my brother “No man I saw Lacey on my way back and wanted to just see how she was doing”. Steve then jumps in and sounding as crazy as ever says “Well you can see she is fine now come back to the game room with me let’s do some more shots” Steve then begins dragging Jeff out with him. As soon as they are out of the room Lance turns to me “Are you okay? He didn’t do anything right?” “You mean other then piss me off. No I am fine. Help me back to my room?” Lance nods and begins walking with me to my room “I am sorry I didn’t realize he was going to look for you when he said he was going to the bathroom” “It’s okay Lance he never saw me from the way I was sitting at the counter he doesn’t know still.” My brother hugs me as he leaves me at the door to my room and once gain I am thankful for his support. I just sometimes feel a bit of anger that he still is a friend with Jeff but I have to admit I understand. If I weren’t trying to hide my pregnancy from the asshat I would probably be in the game room with the guys right now. I close my bedroom door behind me and lock the door just in case someone comes looking for me again.
My emotions are running on high and I know I won’t be falling asleep any time soon so I decide to curl up in bed with a good movie. I finally decide to watch Twilight. As the movie begins my phone begins going off signaling I have a text message. I pick it up and see it’s from Lance and he lets me know that the guys are all headed to stay at a hotel with Jeff for the night. He said it was too close for comfort.
I think about Jeff and realize that even though he claims he doesn’t want us to be together. He can’t seem to stay away from me when we are near each other. Its like we have an addiction to each other. I drifted off at some point during the movie because I was woken when I heard my phone ringing. I answer the phone sleepily only to be shocked by the voice that greets me. I look at the time and realize Jeff is calling me at three in the morning. “What do you want I ask” “Don’t hang up on me Lacey I need to talk to you I need to hear your voice” “Jeff you are drunk.” “I know but I miss you Lacey. I can’t stop thinking about you. Every day I think it will get easier being apart but it doesn’t it gets harder.” “Jeff stop you are the one who left me remember?” “I know it’s the biggest mistake of my life. I never should have left you. I should have known I am nothing without you in my life. I love you!” I feel the tears coming down my cheeks and barely whisper out “Please don’t do this to me Jeff. I can’t do this anymore with you. Either be man enough to stick around or leave me alone for good. I can’t keep going on this roller coaster ride with you. Just when I begin moving on you show back up and send me into a tailspin.” “Lacey if I come back for good would you give me another chance?” I am silent how do I reply to that. I hear Jeff’s breathing on the other end of the line. My mouth opens several times to say something but I can’t seem to get any words to come out. Finally Jeff says “Lacey” he is pleading with me. “Jeff” I reply breathlessly, “I don’t know what to say. Honestly I love you still but you hurt me and I am not sure I can take a risk again with you. I need time to think. In the meantime you can call me tomorrow when you are sober and it’s not the middle of the night and we can talk some more okay?” I hear a heavy sigh and then he says, “I get it. For what its worth I still love you Lacey.” “Goodnight Jeff” “Night” I push the end button on my phone and I lay back in bed still silently crying as I feel so many conflicting emotions running through me. Jeff messes with my head in way that no other guy has ever done nor do I think any other guy will ever make me feel the way Jeff does. Now I just have to decide if the risk is worth it again. I took the risk with him once before can I do it again? The more I think about it the more I know deep down I want to be back with Jeff. I just have to decide if I can trust him again. Will he really stick around this time? Then I begin thinking about how he doesn’t know I am pregnant and that could put a whole new spin on things between us. How did I get into such a messed up situation. I need to start growing up I think, not just because I am about to be a mom but because I have let my life spin out of control the last couple of years. It’s time I take responsibility for what I say and do. I have no choice.
I must have drifted off to sleep at some point because I wake to see my mom staring down at me. “Morning mom” I say even though it comes out as more of a question. “I hear Jeff saw you last night and that he wants to talk to you so I am hear to find out what you are going to do.” I smile at my mom and pat my bed indicating for her to have a seat, which she does. “I have decided to tell Jeff I am pregnant. I have also decided to forgive him. I have not decided whether he gets another chance with me though. I am not sure I can trust him right now mom.” She seems to be considering what I have said to her, “I think you are doing the right thing by telling him and only you can decide whether you want to trust him again so no matter what happens just remember your father and I are here for you.” I wrap my arms around my mother in a hug and tell her “I love you mom” “Now get showered get dressed to kill and go kick that boy’s ass” my mom laughs out and I laugh along with her.
As I finish getting ready to meet with Jeff, I can’t help but think that whatever happens my life is going to change one way or another. I know that no matter what last night I changed yet once again. Maybe that’s what they call maturing in life, I don’t really know. I just knew it was time I stopped acting like a spoiled princess. I was going to do everything I could to make sure my choices from here on out were smart ones. I no longer was just thinking and acting for myself, I had a child to think of also.
I walked through the lobby of the hotel Jeff was staying in with my hand resting on my stomach. I was not going to be able to hide the huge baby bump from Jeff this time and I was a tad bit nervous. I made my way to the elevator and stepped in and pressed the button to the floor Jeff was on. I used my time in the elevator to really calm my nerves. There is no going back after I step out of this elevator. I noticed there was woman riding in the elevator with me and she was giving me a small smile “Are you okay dear? You look like you are stressed” I nod at her “Yes I am just meeting with the dad of my baby and well let’s just say he doesn’t know he is going to be dad” “Oh my” she stammers, “Well I wish you luck deary” “Thanks” I call out to her as I step out into the hallway.
The walk to Jeff’s room seems to take a really long time. I feel as life is now moving in slow motion for some reason. I feel my heart rate increase as nerves have completely over taken my body. I stand in front of the door and try hard to get the courage up to knock on the door. Just as I am about to reach up and knock the door is thrown open and Lance comes barreling out bumping into me. I see shock come over his face. “What are you doing here?” “I um came to talk to Jeff. I decided last night to tell him the truth about everything” I see Lance glance back into the room where I can here the rest of the guys all cutting up together. “Let me clear the guys out for you.” I smile thankful that my brother is here in a way and that he can maybe help me get this ball rolling before I am left to talk to Jeff on my own. As the guys come out of the room into the hallway they stop short seeing me waiting. I can see them all looking at me questions in their eyes. “Hey guys” I get a chorus of hellos back and then Steve wraps me in a big hug and whispers in my ear “good luck. Love ya!” “Thanks Steve” all the other guys smirk at me. I can see them putting things together and finally Brian speaks “I should have known.” “What?” I ask him, trying to be innocent. “Jeff is the father of the baby I don’t know why I didn’t figure it out before.” I just stare back at him hoping my face is as blank as I want it to be. Lance finally comes out of the room and says, “He knows you are here to talk to him and I told him to let you explain before he did anything stupid” “Thanks Lance I will text you later and let you know how its going.”
I step into the hotel room and see Jeff sitting on the couch with his back to me. I make sure the door is closed and locked behind me, as I really don’t want any interruptions. I move closer to Jeff and I can feel my stomach doing flips and it’s not the baby this time. I find my hand going protectively to my stomach and before I can say anything Jeff turns around. I can see the moment he takes in my very pregnant form and the shock cross his face. I walk over to the couch and stand in front of him “can I sit down and we talk” He keeps looking at me with shock then I see other emotions cross his face such as confusion, anger, and maybe still love. I try smiling at him but it doesn’t quite reach my eyes. I am so nervous why is it so hard just to spit this out and tell him. “So um as you can tell I am pregnant” he says nothing so I continue “I found out I was pregnant about a month after returning from Chicago.” Still nothing comes from Jeff, he is just staring at me. “Jeff, I am pregnant with your baby,” I whisper out finally. I look to his face to see emotions flickering across his face again. “Why are you just now telling me Lacey?” “Jeff you have hurt me so much. I was afraid to tell you for so many reasons. I was afraid you would come back because I was pregnant. I was afraid you would just reject me further. I was just so afraid of being hurt again” Jeff gets up and begins pacing around the room. He doesn’t say anything for the longest time. My stomach starts churning to the point I am afraid I am going to throw up at any moment. I wrap both arms around my swollen belly trying to protect the baby from the emotional storm. Finally I realize that Jeff is standing in front of me looking down at me and then he kneels so his eyes are level with me. His hand comes up and strokes my cheek brushing away tears I didn’t even realize were falling. Finally he speaks “I can’t believe I am going to be a dad. I understand you being afraid to come to me. I have been such an ass to you!” There is a pause as I can tell he is thinking and that he is still processing everything in his mind. I want to say something but I don’t know what to say or how to say it. I have been a confused mess where Jeff is concerned for so long. I need to figure out what I want first and foremost. I know I love Jeff, and honestly I want to be with him he is the only guy I have ever wanted to be with so badly. Am I ready to forgive and start trusting in him again? Is it worth it in the long run?
“Lacey” I hear Jeff call my name. I look up at him and realize I had zoned out and that apparently he had been trying to get my attention. “Sorry I got lost in my thoughts” “I noticed.” He replied. “Lacey shit! This is so hard. I should have never run when you got shot. I should have not kept running from you when you came to Chicago. I have fucked up so bad! I know you probably won’t believe me but I love you, there has never been any girl but you that makes me feel this way. I was scared and stupid.” I notice tears are now coming from both of us and that causes me to pull up short. Jeff is crying, that is not fitting of the bad boy image I have always known from him. It’s then I know for sure what I want to do. I take a deep breath and look at Jeff deep in his eyes “come home to me Jeff!” I can see the surprise cross his face and his mouth open and closes like he is trying to say something but can’t get it out. Jeff moves to sit on the couch again and as he slumps back I find myself crawling into his lap, his arms wrap around me and neither of us speaks as I wrap my arms around his neck and we sit there and just hold each other. Then his head is nuzzling into my neck and I can feel his breath across my skin I feel his body shudder. I realize tears are still coming down my cheeks and I know that Jeff is crying when the warmth of his tears hits my skin. I pull back gently from him making him look at me and I reach out and caress his face. I turn to straddle his lap, which is harder, then you think when you have a huge belly. He still has arms wrapped gently but firmly around me. “Jeff please come home” I say to him in a whisper again. I want him to know I mean it that I want nothing more then for him to come home and us to be together again. We begin looking at each other staring intently and I notice his eyes look at my lips and I look at his lips and I know that both of us are dying to kiss the other. It all seems to happen in slow motion but our heads start coming toward each other and our lips finally meet in a sweet kiss. Then our lips begin moving against one another and he gently nips my bottom lip and my lips part for him letting his tongue begin to slowly massage my own. We pull apart briefly to catch our breath and then once again begin kissing but this time I can feel both of our emotions coming out in this kiss. The passion, the desire, the need we have for each other and I am completely lost to him as always happens.
We finally break apart from kissing and Jeff is still holding me but I notice his hands are on my stomach and I let him enjoy the feel of our baby and he smiles at me “I am never leaving you or our child again Lacey. I can’t lose you. I love you to damn much.” I am not sure how much time passed but we sat there silently holding one another. Just enjoying the feel of each other. I had missed him holding me for so long I almost was afraid to speak or do anything for fear I would lose him again. Pregnancy though kept me from staying there like I wanted to because all too soon I knew I had to go to the bathroom. The baby seemed to be using my bladder as a pillow these days. “I need to get up Jeff,” I finally said and he looked at me like he wasn’t sure he was going to let me move. “The baby is pressing on my bladder” Understanding crossed his face and he slowly loosened his hold on me and allowed me to get up. I went straight to the bathroom and did my business and when I cam back out Jeff was still sitting on the couch with an almost dreamy smile on his face. I found myself frozen in place as I looked at him my breath caught at the realization that Jeff was coming home that he was going to be here with me.
I was so into my own thoughts I didn’t even realize Jeff had stood up and walked over to me. I felt his arms go around me and he pulled me as close to him as he could and He smiled down into my face. “Lacey I love you and I want to do things right this time. I want to be the man you need me to be for you.” “Let’s sit down and talk” I say breathless, this guy takes my breath away too easy.
We made our way back to the couch and we sat down facing each other and we began talking. I wasn’t even sure how long we talked until it was all said and done and I realized the daylight had turned into night. I figured I better check my phone and sure enough Lance had been blowing it up with texts and missed calls. I excused myself so that I could call Lance and let him know that I was doing good that Jeff and I had been talking and we had worked out what was going to happen.
Jeff was going to return to Chicago and pack up and be back home with me by the end of the week. There was no point in us wasting any more time away from each other when we both knew together is where we wanted to be. I agreed for him to move in with me, maybe I should have talked to my parents first but I knew that they really weren’t going to say no. They have never been able to say no to me. We were going to be a couple once again. I couldn’t help but feel excited about that. My heartbeat accelerated at the mere thought of being with Jeff again. As I finished talking to Lance he told me he wanted to talk to Jeff so I passed the phone to Jeff. Twenty minutes later Jeff was handing my phone back and asking me if I wanted to order room service. I told him what I wanted to eat and he placed the order it wasn’t long before we were sitting at the table eating while sending each other small smiles. I finally asked what had been on my mind “What did Lance say to you?” I saw Jeff smirk then he told me that Lance had basically threatened to kill him if he hurt me again and then said he was going to travel to Chicago with Jeff to help him move back. I was surprised that Lance was being so cool about this because I really wasn’t sure how he was going to act. We finished eating our dinner and then Jeff asked me if I wanted to go to the club with him for a little bit because the guys were all wanting to meet up. I told him I would but first I had to go home so that I could shower and change. He grabbed my car keys from me and led me out the door and said, “Well then let’s head to your house I need to talk to your parents anyway.”
I went to shower and dress while Jeff went into my dad’s office with both my parents. There was a part of me that was nervous about what might be happening in that office but I knew that my dad wouldn’t do anything to upset me. That was one thing I always had faith in that I was my daddy’s little princess and he would do anything for me. Jeff was actually in my room lying on my bed when I stepped out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel around me. I saw his eyes heat up with lust and he jumped off the bed and grabbed me into his arms. He leaned in and kissed me with so much passion. As we broke from the kiss he said “I talked to your parents and why your dad did not go easy on me he said I could move in with you.” I was speechless Jeff actually spoke to my parents about our plans. I knew then this time was going to be different Jeff was no longer afraid of our relationship, the way we felt for each other or the weakness he showed when it came to me. Since I could not find the words to speak I did the only other thing I could and leaned up and kissed Jeff with all my heart.